If they ever build time machines, there are several things I would like to tell 28-year-old me.
Melissa Singer (centre) spent $3000 on her wedding gown but would do things differently second time around. Photo: Supplied
Buy an apartment, even a shitty one bedroom. Your bank balance will thank you later.
Learn about art, and music, and other cultural stuff you can use at dinner parties.
High street wedding dresses
High street retailers such as H&M and ASOS are trying to crack the lucrative bridal market by offering more affordable alternatives to custom-made gowns. Photo: Supplied
And don't spend $3000 on that wedding dress.
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Now don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful dress, from a boutique on THE bridal street in Melbourne. And I appreciate that mum thought me (and my then fiance) worth the money.
Italian lace, a shoulder train and metres and metres of butter cream silk. It had a '40s aesthetic and made me feel like Rita Hayworth on Oscars night ��� even though she never won��� when I put it on.
Melissa Singer in her wedding dress.
But it cost three-zero-zero-zero dollars. In 2008 money. That's $3500 today.
When I read this week that Swedish chain H&M is bringing out a range of wedding dressesas part of its "Conscious Exclusive" range, naturally it brought up memories of my own dress.
I would never choose the same dress today. For one thing, my taste has completely changed, as it does when you hit your 30s.
Rita Hayworth ... didn't win an Oscar but gave great gown.
And I realise now (with a mortgage and more expenses to my name) what that amount of money can actually do for a person. Not in a pay off the loan, get some new tiles kind of way (boring but worthy) but in a fashion investment piece or travel way.
In short, if I'm ever in a position again to marry someone, I will never spend that kind of money on a wedding dress, unless it's genuinely something I will wear again.
(Note to brides: you will almost never cut the top off, dye and make a cute clubbing dress from what you're probably planning to wear on your big day. It just doesn't happen.)
But I'm also not sure I can go down the chain store route, either. (E-tailers ASOS and J Crew also stock wedding dresses.)
The H&M range includes three wedding dresses, priced up to $599. Take it away, no more to pay.
One obvious advantage of buying a wedding dress off the rack is the finality of the transaction, unless of course it needs altering (which I would highly recommend).
Getting one made to order can be like working with a tradie. The price you get at the first fitting is just a guide, with every applique flower and lace adornment potentially adding hundreds of dollars to the final invoice.
But it's yours. It's one-of-a-kind. And no matter what you spend, there's a singular joy experienced from having a garment made just for your body.
When I was getting married, I must have visited at least half-a-dozen wedding dress shops - from ready-to-wear to luxury atelier.
While I had a tough time distinguishing between the $10,000 and the $5000 dresses in look and quality, the off-the-rack dresses just felt cheap and not at all special.
I realise not everyone can afford to splash on a custom-made wedding gown, and many more don't want to.
But would anyone really wear a wedding dress from H&M, the home of fast fashion, celebrity collaborations and sunnies you can step on and not care about?
I envy the bride who can rock a vintage gown she picked up on eBay or at the op shop for $100. And despite the H&M range being made from sustainably sourced material and having a good story of culture and art behind it, I just couldn't do it.
Equally though, I would never, ever spend $3000 again on a garment I only ever intended to wear once.
That sad looking dress now hangs in the walk-in wardrobe at my parents' house, still carrying a small stain from a rose petal trodden into its hem.
The other week, mum sent me a photo of my nieces, five and seven, playing dress ups in that expensive gown. At least it was being put to some use.
Next time, I'm going bride-ish but not bridal. More Maticevski than Monique Lhuillier, more modest than maniacal in the budget stakes. But still fabulous. Watch this space.
The H&M bridal range goes on sale in Australian stores on April 7.